One “makes” me happy, the latter “made” me happy. But I fear them both.
On the the right hand - There’s the past. The amazing past, filled with Love, Hope, Dreams, Future, Hurt, Loneliness, Fighting, Passion. The past wants to reconnect. And bring all my dreams back to reality. Everything I dreamed of from the last five years to come back, right where we left off. How easy it would be just to say yes. Admit it.
But in the left - The one I seem to want right now. The unknown. The one who’s stopping me from simply saying yes to the past - who brought back my goofy smile. It’s exciting and new. Exciting in a “I am shitting it and don’t know anything” kinda way. You’re beautiful to me, towards me, how you act, what you say. But sometimes I don’t know if you want me completely. You haven’t really shown any indication otherwise, but my brain works in overdrive. I wish I understood how your brain works. Maybe it would calm my fears. I’m scared. I’m scared of throwing away the past for something that may not have a future. But I’m willing to. Just give me the green light and I’ll jump in head first.